Small talk isn’t just an annoying inconvenience. It’s soul-crushing. The lack of authenticity laced in those watercooler conversations at the office is so mundane it’s tough not to feel existential dread. It’s almost as if you’re performing a part in a very boring play where you’re pretending to be enraptured by a captivating conversation about Mondays – am I right? Or how unpredictable the weather’s been lately.
All you really want to do is get to know your co-worker in a way that goes beyond the superficial and surface-level dynamics currently at play. And the craziest part? You’re pretty sure they feel the same about a deeper desire to connect. But in an effort to keep things civil, you keep the conversation in neutral territory by avoiding any semblance of real life. (‘cause that would be a social no-no, right?)
You’ve probably searched for this article because you’re constantly forced to engage in small talk on a regular basis. Whether you engage in this surface-level chatter with your team members or between you and your Hinge date, it can be insufferable either way.
Photo Credit: Josh Olade for Unsplash
But what if I told you there’s a way around this dreaded small talk? If you want to escape the tension and dead air of awkward silences, you’re in luck. With our help, you’ll soon go from idle chatter to genuine connections that could lead to a lifetime friendship. Ready to form more meaningful relationships?
Growing up, I experienced severe social anxiety. Yet while many people assume social anxiety indicates you have trouble being around other people, what it really means is you have trouble with other people being around you.
When you have social anxiety, it’s easy to get stuck inside your head during these small-talk convos. You get caught in a loop where you pick on yourself internally for being such an awkward conversationalist. During small talk, that voice of doubt gets louder and louder and louder, until you can’t even hear what the person right in front of you is saying. So, you simply nod your head politely, as the conversation falls flat on its face. But what if, instead of paying attention to your self-doubts, you listen carefully to what the other person is saying?
Try Conversation Threading
Photo Credit: Jarritos Mexican for Unsplash
Regardless of how mundane the conversation is, do your best to find and inspire genuine interest in the other person. A great way to do this is through conversation threading. Rather than only asking and answering, you expand upon something they’ve said by asking more specific questions about them.
So if the conversation goes:
You: “Hey, how was your weekend?”
Them: “Pretty good.”
You: “Oh nice! What did you do?”
Them: “I kept it pretty chill. Binge-watched Netflix.”
You: “Oh yeah? Any good shows?”
Them: “Yeah, I actually rewatched Gilmore Girls for the billionth time, ha!”
You: “You know, I’ve been wanting to get into that show for so long. It looks so cozy. What is it about that series that seems to just suck people in?”
The above conversation could’ve plummeted into conversational death valleys and unending, awkward silences, had you not taken a real interest in the other person. Be naturally curious and you’ll uncover a ton about them, from their favorite TV shows to what they do on the weekends.
You’ve figured all that out from one brief conversation due to a real interest in your exchange. Even if you’ve never seen Gilmore Girls, you can contribute to the conversation by asking them what makes it so special.
It’s not just words, take interest in the entire person
Photo Credit: Tim Mossholder for Unsplash
When it comes to escaping the awkward small talk loop, simply take a genuine interest in all those around you. Even the most unassuming individuals have something to offer. In fact, it’s generally the people who don’t say much, who have the most to say.
When you fully focus on someone, you make them feel special. And who in their right mind doesn’t love someone who makes them feel special? You’ll want to spend all your time with them and form an exciting bond that’s connected and trusting. And if you’re worried about coming across as a suck-up, no worries. I’m not suggesting you bow down to anyone. Just remember those teeny details – their kid’s name goes a lonnnnng way or if they prefer white to red wine. Then effortlessly drop those into your next conversation, which will make them thrilled by being so seen.
So for instance, if you’re chatting with a work colleague who you’ve retained info about:
Them: “Hey, Happy Monday!”
You: “Oh hey! How was your weekend? Did you spend it with Daniel?”
Them: (Flattered that you remembered their husband’s name) “I did! Daniel and I took our dog to this adorable puppy training class.”You: “Aww, you took Rocky to puppy training? That’s so cute! I bet he was the star of the class.”
This may seem like humdrum watercooler chit-chat, but there’s a good chance you totally charmed your co-worker. In reality, we’re all so focused on ourselves and our own dramas, we rarely engage with our peers beyond a cursory level. Not only did you take the time to remember their husband’s name, but you also nailed the name of their dog. By paying attention to details from past conversations, you become more charismatic, likable, and connected with the other person.
Keep the conversation focused on them
After reading Dale Carnegie’s bestselling classic How to Win Friends and Influence People I realized how much we eternally talk about our favorite topic: ourselves! It’s okay, we’re all guilty as charged. But if you want to “win friends” and “influence people” the right way, it’s best to keep the chatter as focused on them as possible.
Now, this doesn’t mean you can’t talk about yourself or share your own stories – of course you can. But, as Dale Carnegie said, “You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.”
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Small talk isn’t just an annoying inconvenience. It’s soul-crushing. The lack of authenticity laced in those watercooler conversations at the office is so mundane it’s tough not to feel existential dread. It’s almost as if you’re performing a part in a very boring play where you’re pretending to be enraptured by a captivating conversation about Mondays – am I right? Or how unpredictable the weather’s been lately.
All you really want to do is get to know your co-worker in a way that goes beyond the superficial and surface-level dynamics currently at play. And the craziest part? You’re pretty sure they feel the same about a deeper desire to connect. But in an effort to keep things civil, you keep the conversation in neutral territory by avoiding any semblance of real life. (‘cause that would be a social no-no, right?)
You’ve probably searched for this article because you’re constantly forced to engage in small talk on a regular basis. Whether you engage in this surface-level chatter with your team members or between you and your Hinge date, it can be insufferable either way.
Photo Credit: Josh Olade for Unsplash
But what if I told you there’s a way around this dreaded small talk? If you want to escape the tension and dead air of awkward silences, you’re in luck. With our help, you’ll soon go from idle chatter to genuine connections that could lead to a lifetime friendship. Ready to form more meaningful relationships?
Growing up, I experienced severe social anxiety. Yet while many people assume social anxiety indicates you have trouble being around other people, what it really means is you have trouble with other people being around you.
When you have social anxiety, it’s easy to get stuck inside your head during these small-talk convos. You get caught in a loop where you pick on yourself internally for being such an awkward conversationalist. During small talk, that voice of doubt gets louder and louder and louder, until you can’t even hear what the person right in front of you is saying. So, you simply nod your head politely, as the conversation falls flat on its face. But what if, instead of paying attention to your self-doubts, you listen carefully to what the other person is saying?
Try Conversation Threading
Photo Credit: Jarritos Mexican for Unsplash
Regardless of how mundane the conversation is, do your best to find and inspire genuine interest in the other person. A great way to do this is through conversation threading. Rather than only asking and answering, you expand upon something they’ve said by asking more specific questions about them.
So if the conversation goes:
You: “Hey, how was your weekend?”
Them: “Pretty good.”
You: “Oh nice! What did you do?”
Them: “I kept it pretty chill. Binge-watched Netflix.”
You: “Oh yeah? Any good shows?”
Them: “Yeah, I actually rewatched Gilmore Girls for the billionth time, ha!”
You: “You know, I’ve been wanting to get into that show for so long. It looks so cozy. What is it about that series that seems to just suck people in?”
The above conversation could’ve plummeted into conversational death valleys and unending, awkward silences, had you not taken a real interest in the other person. Be naturally curious and you’ll uncover a ton about them, from their favorite TV shows to what they do on the weekends.
You’ve figured all that out from one brief conversation due to a real interest in your exchange. Even if you’ve never seen Gilmore Girls, you can contribute to the conversation by asking them what makes it so special.
It’s not just words, take interest in the entire person
Photo Credit: Tim Mossholder for Unsplash
When it comes to escaping the awkward small talk loop, simply take a genuine interest in all those around you. Even the most unassuming individuals have something to offer. In fact, it’s generally the people who don’t say much, who have the most to say.
When you fully focus on someone, you make them feel special. And who in their right mind doesn’t love someone who makes them feel special? You’ll want to spend all your time with them and form an exciting bond that’s connected and trusting. And if you’re worried about coming across as a suck-up, no worries. I’m not suggesting you bow down to anyone. Just remember those teeny details – their kid’s name goes a lonnnnng way or if they prefer white to red wine. Then effortlessly drop those into your next conversation, which will make them thrilled by being so seen.
So for instance, if you’re chatting with a work colleague who you’ve retained info about:
Them: “Hey, Happy Monday!”
You: “Oh hey! How was your weekend? Did you spend it with Daniel?”
Them: (Flattered that you remembered their husband’s name) “I did! Daniel and I took our dog to this adorable puppy training class.”You: “Aww, you took Rocky to puppy training? That’s so cute! I bet he was the star of the class.”
This may seem like humdrum watercooler chit-chat, but there’s a good chance you totally charmed your co-worker. In reality, we’re all so focused on ourselves and our own dramas, we rarely engage with our peers beyond a cursory level. Not only did you take the time to remember their husband’s name, but you also nailed the name of their dog. By paying attention to details from past conversations, you become more charismatic, likable, and connected with the other person.
Keep the conversation focused on them
After reading Dale Carnegie’s bestselling classic How to Win Friends and Influence People I realized how much we eternally talk about our favorite topic: ourselves! It’s okay, we’re all guilty as charged. But if you want to “win friends” and “influence people” the right way, it’s best to keep the chatter as focused on them as possible.
Now, this doesn’t mean you can’t talk about yourself or share your own stories – of course you can. But, as Dale Carnegie said, “You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.”
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